Fear

       The fear of every living is the death.. In fact, for some people it's a taboo. Some people believe talking about death brings you even closer to it. I fear death. 'Fear' is too mild a word. I don't fear my death for i won't be able to 'experience' anything after my death. But my biggest fear in life is losing the people i love most in my life. I have so many beautiful people in my life who add colours to my life. The mere thought of losing my dear ones, kills me. As a kid i never thought about death. But after witnessing the death of a family member i realised what it feels like to lose someone close to you. That's when i started praying for my dear ones. Every day and night, i pray for their well-being and safety. In fact, when it was time for me to settle down i told my mother i didn't want to get married because getting married means i have to now worry about one more person in my life. And then, i'll have to pray for the safety of my parents, siblings, husband, children and the list goes on. It's like you are constantly in war with death for the sake of your loved ones all your life.

      Few weeks ago i lost my cousin. He was just 22. He was a student who was eagerly waiting to complete his degree and get a job and live the life. I still remember our last meeting and how he had always been a live wire. He was very active in FB that i used to get updates from him almost on daily basis. And what a coincidence, his last post was "life is short". Indeed it is :( I still check his FB hoping to see an update from him.

     And moments ago, one of my ex-students passed away in an accident. He was 19. Another active 'facebooker', his last post was " Travelling by bike after so long. May God bless my journey". And alas, he never reached his destination. It is true that life is very thrilling for you never know what might happen next. But life is also cruel. Every second of my life doesn't belong to me. It's like you are temporarily on the earth before reaching your destination which is elsewhere. People come and go, end of the day it's you that have to live your life whether you like it or not. 

First for 2013

   

This post is not exactly what i wanted to write about. I started with the idea of posting a questionnaire i took from someone's blog as lately i have been too busy ( Ok fine. That's a lie) lazy to write about anything. And we are already into the second month of 2013 and i'm yet to post anything which implies that my blog or rather i have been hibernating for too long. Ok back to the business. As i was skimming the questions something caught my eyes.

      It read "List 2 bad habits you have". Immediately my tiny brain started the thinking process and i was surprised that i couldn't think of any. Wait..before you jump into  conclusion,.. No...i'm no angel! Then, why couldn't i think of two bad habits of mine? It's simple. We I don't acknowledge my bad habits. I 'think' i'm good and that my bad habits are too trivial to be considered as 'bad'. As my brain slowly lists down the bad habits, i tell myself "no..that happened only once", "nah..i do that only when i'm PMSing", "i was forced to behave that way so that's not my nature" and blah..blah.. We could be so protective of ourselves, don't we? 

     Life gets definitely better when you are able to see you flaws and accept them. It's impossible for you to rectify all you flaws but a little bit of effort is definitely better. It's funny how we can judge others easily and label them at the very first sight. When others make mistakes we put a tag on them and refuse to give them a second chance and conveniently banter them relentlessly. That includes me too. But when the same mistake is made by us, we turn a blind eye to it. We, tirelessly give numerous excuses and reasons for our wrong doings and eventually succeed in convincing others of our innocence. If only we channel half the effort in understanding the others around us and giving them a second chance, life would be beautiful. 

      The question may seem a frivolous question but it has actually got me thinking. How unfair we are to the others around us. We are so obsessed with ourselves that we refuse to see the flaws in us. So, now i'm gonna list down my own flaws..(definitely not going to post about that :)) 

Farewell to 2012

And yet another year is bidding farewell. It might sound very much cliched but time flies. It feels like we just ushered in 2012  and it's already crawling out paving way to 2013. It has been a wonderful year with a fair share of ups and downs. I have stopped making resolutions as i feel new year resolutions are overrated. One talks about resolutions only when the year begins and ends. Nobody bothers to keep track of your resolutions and some don't even remember their resolutions by the middle of the year. But looking back and cogitating about the events happened throughout the year definitely can groom you to face the coming year. We learn from our mistakes as they chisel us into better person.

Just like 2011, 2012 has been a wonderful year for me. In 2011, i met my soul mate (i believe so :)) and in 2012 i got married to him. So 2012 will hold a special place in my life as marriage is a 'the' moment in one's life. 

So here goes my highlights of 2012

1. Marriage - Of course it has to be on the top. I got engaged this year too. So i'm no longer Miss Ramyah

2. Vacation to Kerala - I have always lusted over the houseboats in Kerala. So, i kidnapped  let my husband kidnap me to Kerala for honeymoon :)

3. Professionally i was appointed as the Panel Head this year which was a good experience.

4. A very good friend@colleague was transferred back to her hometown leaving me quite lonely

5. The first year i handled SPM students single handedly- i'll be able to comment only when the result is announced. 

6. The first year i applied for a transfer and failed obtaining it.

7. I had a quite heated argument with my superior regarding my transfer.

8. Experienced being a housewife for a week and i'm not complaining :)

The only thing that has not changed over years is....me celebrating New Year all alone :( It's the third new year away from family. Hopefully, next year i can celebrate with my husband and then it would be the top highlight of 2013 :)


HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!!